Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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