That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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