Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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