i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Drunk is not a location!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
