dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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