It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
