remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
