worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
