i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
