You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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