please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
