mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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