so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
