I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
