im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
