Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize