And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
