Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
