the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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