I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I smell stomach acid.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
