is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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