My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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