I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
