just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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