I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I want her autograph on my taint
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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