it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
