I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
