Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
