I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
