I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
