Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
