You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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