she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
