were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
