I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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