he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
