I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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