that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
