thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
