Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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