I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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