I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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