I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
