all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize