ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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