it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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