the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
