Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
