I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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