so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
