he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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