that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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