i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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