he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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