Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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