I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
