dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
