By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
