So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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