I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
