we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
