Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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