don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
