I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
