I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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