I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
