Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
