Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
