So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
