Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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